Thinking out loud and probably saying things I shouldn't say... but who is reading anyway?

The only things I miss about tv are the ability to tune out advertising and the ability to do other things while watching tv. Now, I can't anymore. Television is so loud and obnoxious that it takes my entire focus.

One time, we were eating (real!) popcorn while playing a board game at the cottage when we were little and I was drinking a ginger ale out of the can, and I went to take a sip and there was a popcorn seed in my drink. I was all, "What the hey?" or whatever it is kids say to that effect, and my cousin looked at me horrified.

"I thought you were finished," she said.

Yeah. Just a random memory that came to me when I was writing the first paragraph, so I figured I'd throw it in here since it's all ramblies anyway.

I sent my guy an email at 5AM this morning to say I went to bed far too late because I figured he'd have no idea what time I went to bed and would go about business as usual and get the wrathies. At the end of the email, I threw in a wishful, "If you want to walk the dogs while I sleep in, then yey," or something, but I really didn't think he'd actually do it. And then I drift out of sleep at the crack of dawn to the sound of the front door shutting and him walking away. It made me smile so hard I woke up far more than was his intention.

He's a sweet guy.

me: You realize that this means that by the end of today, you'll probably get the yellies because I'll forget you did this, right?
him: Yeah.

Later (about maybe three hours later?):
me: When do you ever do anything for me? Nobody ever does anything for me.
him: I walked the dogs this morning so you could sleep in.
me: Oh yeah. [smiles innocently]

Today, I spent far too much time on the internet shopping for wedding vows. It's amazing how much information out there just doesn't fit. Things like:
"Today, I choose you to be my husband," along with all the other choices involved.
"I love you because...." at the beginning of each vow sentence.

Not to mention all the formal, traditional and overly verbose sets of vows out there.

I just want something simple. Why can't it just be from the heart? Like a letter to my guy now and later. Something like:

Dear Boy I love,

I'm going to marry you today. Who would have thought I'd actually make it not only to the day, but to actually saying the words in front of real live human beings? Not me, that's for sure. And even if I'm not the marrying kind, I am here and I always will be. You're my favorite person and my best friend, but that's not why I'm marrying you. I'm marrying you because you're the only person in the world who fits me, who challenges me, who is always on my team and who makes every day better. I really would rather a million days of you crunching cereal in my ear than one day without you. 

I can't promise I'll never yell at you or lose my temper or say things I don't mean or sometimes not be there in the way you need me, but I do promise to spend every day for the rest of my life learning who you are and how to love you better. I promise to be loyal to you in every situation and to give you the benefit of the doubt. I promise to do my best to trust you more and more with every bit of time that passes. I promise to love you through everything- the happy times and the harder times, the sickies and the healthies, the yellies and the laughies, the times when we have stuff and the times we have less stuff, through babies or no babies; whatever happens, I will always be by your side. 

I promise to do my part to make sure you stay happy, healthy and protected. I promise to do my best to make sure you feel loved every day of your life. And I promise to always laugh with you, especially when it's most inappropriate. 

I promise to hold your hand in the scary times and to let you hold mine when I am most vulnerable. I promise to turn to you first, rely on you first and trust you first, before anybody else. I promise to let you in to the darkest and most private places of my soul and to strive to break down any walls and boundaries that come between us. 

I promise to remind you you're sexy, lift you up when you're down and encourage your dreams and friendships. I promise to fight for us when we're shaky and learn to enjoy the lighter times when we're doing alright. 

I promise to love you for who you are and not try to change you for my benefit.

I promise to stay a work in progress. I promise to keep growing always, to grow in love always, to work to conquer my fears always and to never die (unless it is absolutely necessary).

I can't promise our life together will be easy- I can't even promise it'll be easier with me than without me- but I do promise that it won't be boring and that it will be funny and that you will be loved to the utmost that I am able to love.

I promise to only tell you I love you when I mean it. 

By becoming your wifey, I am promising all these things, but I also promise to try my best to let you love me too and to give you the opportunity to fulfill your promises to me.

I love you forever and ever.


I guess that's a bit long. People would probably tune out halfway through. But if we're not doing readings or anything...?

And then I figure when we do the ring part, instead of the whole, "With this ring, I thee wed," thing because that's kind of redundant, I think, I'd reverse it. In my head, I'm not giving him his ring and he's not giving me mine. In my head, I'm putting this ring on that we bought together, right? So instead of the usual line, it'd be like, "I will wear this ring because I love you and I want the world to know I love you. And when I hear my ring clink against something or when its sparklies catch my eye, wherever I am, I will always be reminded of this day, these vows and the love and life that we share."

Maybe. We'll see I guess. Things are still far away.

I'm going to sleep.